Movin On Up

Dating as a single mom was never a challenge for me. Even when I had 2 children. Lots of men were interested in me, but I had to give myself some standards to rule by, lest I be stuck for the rest of my life with a loser. That in itself made dating in my little farm town quite a challenge.

I have had 4 boyfriends since I had Madison, not including Jesse, the man I am going to marry next summer.

Dustin, Justin, William, and Justin. Apparently I am not a person for variation in names, haha. William is Emilee's biological father and Madison's assumed father. We started dating when she was about 15 months old. I told him, first and foremost, that he could not date me without consideration to my child. He agreed (why? who knows, haha). When we met I was working full time at Burger King with my ex boyfriends mother (Justin number 1) and he was managing the local Domino's Pizza and smoked a lot of pot. Realistically, I was not going to find Mr. Right in Sedro-Woolley. I was going to have to "make" Mr. Right (live and learn, my friends... no one will ever change for unless their own ambitions lead them there). I told Will that he had to stop smoking pot and go back to college if he wanted to have a serious relationship with me. For some other unknown reason's he listened! It turns out I had caught myself a man that had absolutely no backbone and that I would pretty much have to be a parent to. This would be the ultimate demise of our relationship. Will went back to school for Computer Technology and we eventually relocated to Bellevue where he got a job in the computer industry and I was a stay at home with Madison and our new baby, Emilee. This was in 2003.

*breathe a sigh of relief*

I think people underestimate the impact your "village" has on your child. It really does take a village to raise a child. And when I took an objective look at my village... it stunk. Really badly. In 2009, 54% of the residences had a household income of less than $50,000. That is household, not individual. 60 percent of the homes were built before 1970, 13 percent of that being older than 1930. The local universities degrade students a full GPA point if they have graduated from Sedro-Woolley High School because of the quality (or lack there of) of the program. It has high teen pregnancy rates, high drug use, and low graduation rates.

Naturally, not everyone is going to fall into these categories but I am not willing to risk my child's well being because I am too lazy or careless to go somewhere else that will give my children a better quality of life and education. My children deserve a fighting chance in this world just as much as anyone else's and it is my job as their parent to make sure they get it. The village raising my children has an award winning school district where the number of people who continue from high school to get a bachelors degree is OFF THE CHARTS... literally! Family incomes are in the top 5%, as are the low rate of crime and they rate in the top 13% for educated residents.

I myself was not given a fighting chance. I had my first child when I was 17 and second when I was 19. I dropped out of college because I could not afford child care while I was at school. I got my GED instead of diploma because I had no transportation to high school. My parents have never even been able to give me $20 for gas. No one ever told me I could be something when I grow up. No one ever asked if my homework was done. I had to everything on my own, which only means the gratification is that much more sweet.

I remember coming to the conclusion when I was 16 that "Sometimes you have to realize that the only person who cares is yourself. And that has to be good enough." I pray that my children never have to think that.