Judgement Day? Not so fast, guys...

I have been thinking about how I judge other lately, from an objective point of view. Everytime I hear myself thinking something judgmental of another person, I make a mental note and remind myself that it is not my job to judge anyone at all and that I should take a fine look at myself before I start any finger pointing.

This may sound anti-intuitive, but surrounding myself by my religion has been the thing that has encouraged me to do this. I know Christians aren't known by Atheists and the likes as being graceful folks. Least of which, humble. Regardless of what the bible says, I do see a lot of people in the media claiming to be Christian but flinging awful words around at other, non-deserving people (I feel every person falls into the category of "non-deserving). And I can't help but feel I am being judged a lot of other Christians. That in itself is probably just my own personal insecurity, assuming that I am really not being judged. Are you tired of reading the word "judge" yet?

Today I thought some unpleasant thoughts about another driver on the road and stopped myself by saying "that's not really fair to them..." and distracted myself.

I see the rich judging the poor: You need to get off your lazy bum and get a job.

I see the poor judge the rich: You think you're better than me because you have money.\

I see the conservatives judge the liberals: You can't tell people what to do. They can make their own decisions, and face the consequences, good or bad.

I see the liberals judge the conservatives: People need to help each other, whether they like it or not.

I see the thin judging the fat: You're disgusting. You have no self control and all you want to do is eat.

I see the fat judging the thin: You puke after you eat. You're shallow and materialistic.

I could go on but there are too many to type, as you can imagine. Now, I don't expect everyone to care about what the bible says, but I can't help but feel a burden lifted from my shoulders when I make the choice to love everyone equally and not to judge them. Especially when I can't ask questions. Until I am 100 percent perfect, which I will never, ever be - I should keep my fat mouth shut; or my unjust brain quiet :-)

Matthew 7: 1-5

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. ² For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

Luke 6:37

“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

Romans 2 1-4:

"You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. ² Now we know that God’s judgment against those who do such things is based on truth. ³ So when you, a mere human being, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God’s judgment? ⁴ Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?"

That is all.

Movin On Up

Dating as a single mom was never a challenge for me. Even when I had 2 children. Lots of men were interested in me, but I had to give myself some standards to rule by, lest I be stuck for the rest of my life with a loser. That in itself made dating in my little farm town quite a challenge.

I have had 4 boyfriends since I had Madison, not including Jesse, the man I am going to marry next summer.

Dustin, Justin, William, and Justin. Apparently I am not a person for variation in names, haha. William is Emilee's biological father and Madison's assumed father. We started dating when she was about 15 months old. I told him, first and foremost, that he could not date me without consideration to my child. He agreed (why? who knows, haha). When we met I was working full time at Burger King with my ex boyfriends mother (Justin number 1) and he was managing the local Domino's Pizza and smoked a lot of pot. Realistically, I was not going to find Mr. Right in Sedro-Woolley. I was going to have to "make" Mr. Right (live and learn, my friends... no one will ever change for unless their own ambitions lead them there). I told Will that he had to stop smoking pot and go back to college if he wanted to have a serious relationship with me. For some other unknown reason's he listened! It turns out I had caught myself a man that had absolutely no backbone and that I would pretty much have to be a parent to. This would be the ultimate demise of our relationship. Will went back to school for Computer Technology and we eventually relocated to Bellevue where he got a job in the computer industry and I was a stay at home with Madison and our new baby, Emilee. This was in 2003.

*breathe a sigh of relief*

I think people underestimate the impact your "village" has on your child. It really does take a village to raise a child. And when I took an objective look at my village... it stunk. Really badly. In 2009, 54% of the residences had a household income of less than $50,000. That is household, not individual. 60 percent of the homes were built before 1970, 13 percent of that being older than 1930. The local universities degrade students a full GPA point if they have graduated from Sedro-Woolley High School because of the quality (or lack there of) of the program. It has high teen pregnancy rates, high drug use, and low graduation rates.

Naturally, not everyone is going to fall into these categories but I am not willing to risk my child's well being because I am too lazy or careless to go somewhere else that will give my children a better quality of life and education. My children deserve a fighting chance in this world just as much as anyone else's and it is my job as their parent to make sure they get it. The village raising my children has an award winning school district where the number of people who continue from high school to get a bachelors degree is OFF THE CHARTS... literally! Family incomes are in the top 5%, as are the low rate of crime and they rate in the top 13% for educated residents.

I myself was not given a fighting chance. I had my first child when I was 17 and second when I was 19. I dropped out of college because I could not afford child care while I was at school. I got my GED instead of diploma because I had no transportation to high school. My parents have never even been able to give me $20 for gas. No one ever told me I could be something when I grow up. No one ever asked if my homework was done. I had to everything on my own, which only means the gratification is that much more sweet.

I remember coming to the conclusion when I was 16 that "Sometimes you have to realize that the only person who cares is yourself. And that has to be good enough." I pray that my children never have to think that.

A beginning

I have decided to blog about my adventures as a teen mom. Granted, I don't think that entirely applies to me anymore considering I am 26 at the moment, but I still endure struggles that are consequences of having a baby when I was 17, be them indirect or not.

I cannot blame my personal transgressions on anyone but myself. I can, however, say that at the age of 16, lack of parental supervision played a major role in my decision making (good and not-so-good). Realistically, sending me to live with my Aunt's and Uncle when I was 15 was the best choice my mother could have made for me. Unfortunately, that stay came to an early end following a family fall out between my guardians at the time. When I went from being cared for by a person who is mostly indifferent to my behavior, to a household that does care, and back to a household that does not, I was inclined to make poor decisions. One of them being dropping out of high school, leaving my mothers house to live with my 16 year old boyfriend, and hanging out with kids who were doing drugs and participating in other dangerous activities. Fortunately, I can honestly say that I have never tried one drug. When put under peer pressure to try drugs, I just told them I had tried that drug before and I didn't like it - no one ever questioned me. I always envisioned the prospect of becoming an addict. No one ever tried drugs for the first time with the intention of becoming a meth addict - but it happens every day. And I was well aware of that fact and terrified of becoming that statistic. Instead, I became an entirely different statistic. I found out I was pregnant with my boyfriend of 2 months' child when I was 16. I was terrified to tell my mother because she always told me that if she ever found out I was having sex that she would "kick my ass"... and I was pretty sure she wasn't kidding (turns out I was wrong). So I hid it from my family. I had no idea what I was going to do but I figured a good place to start would be going back to school. I enrolled myself into the local alternative school, State Street High School. Yes. I had to enroll myself in high school. I couldn't tolerate my mother so I moved in with my ex-step-father, John, and his new wife, Kathy. As well as her child, Brady. Additionally, she was expecting a baby girl, Samantha. No knew I was pregnant until my Aunt Cindy asked me after a visit with her in Las Vegas (half my close relatives live there). I confessed my pregnancy and my Aunt Rhonda (who was informed by my Aunt Cindy) told my mother. Eventually I sucked up my pride, shut my big mouth, and moved back in with my mother. I gave birth to Madison when I was 17 years old, on May 23rd.